My friend Laurell, a vet, sent me this:
"I have a dog and I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Food at WalMart and was in line to check out, where a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
"On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again. I said it was essentially a perfect diet. The way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
"Still, I told her, I approached the project with some trepidation because the last time I'd tried it, though I'd lost 50 pounds, I had awakened one day in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
"Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.
"No, I told her. Actually, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me."