Monday, August 28, 2006

The Groton, Conn, Hillbilly

The Kennebunkport Hillbilly (sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song)

Stanza the First

Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush.
IQ huggin 60 and his head right up his tush.
Drank like a fish and acted like a lout,
But that didn't really matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up.

Stanza 2

Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale
He can't hardly spell his name but legacies don't fail.
He spends his time a'drinkin with his frat-brother folk.
And that's when Georgie learns to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is. White gold. Nose candy....

Stanza 3

The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom....
Let the common people be the ones that's maimed and scarred.
We'll buy you a soft berth in the Texas Air Guard."
Cushy, that is. Country clubs. More nose candy....

Stanza 4

Well the next thing you know, Georgie's a millionaire;
No that hard t'do when you're a President's son and heir.
He failed at oil drillin, at business and other schemes,
So his Pappy's friends and handlers got Georgie his own team.
Texas Rangers, that is. Municipal bonds. Slush funds...

Stanza 5

Twenty years later Georgie gets a little bored.
Trades in all the snort and booze, says Jesus is his Lord.
He figgered that the White House is the place he oughta be.
So he called his daddy's friends and they stole the GOP.
Gun owners, that is. Falwell. Jesse Helms.

Stanza 6

Come November 7, the election ran a little late.
Kin folks called up 'n' said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let them colored folks be a-gettin to the polls!"
So they put out State cop barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.

Stanza 7

A'Fore them votes was counted, them five Supremes stepped in.
Made it clear to e'eryone that Georgie's gonna win.
"Don't count all the votes!" was their slimy proclamation.
And that's how Georgie finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. No moral authority.

Stanza 8

Well that's how the Dummie got installed as President.
His Cabinet the sorriest the Congress was ever sent.
To placate all the righteous jerks that helped set him aloft,
He made his Atty. Gen'l. a lying zealot named Aschcroft.
Bigot, that is. Big Time Racist. Ho-mo-phobia!

Stanza 9

You know we'd love to say 'goodbye' to Shrub, his kin and friends,
Mebbe we could get it done before the four years ends.
In that much time they'll plunder, rob and wholly desolate
All the natural wonder left in every single state...
Desecration, that is. Oil wells. Strip mines. Drill ANWAR.

Y'all come vote now. Ya hear?

(i wisht i'da rote this hull thing but i did contribute: Stanzas 4, 8 & 9)

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