Monday, September 24, 2007

This Approaches Literature...

Verbatim, an e-mail received today. It's a variation on a wide-spread scam motif called, by the Intertubes cogniscenti, the "Nigerian Letter". Nigerians, apparently, are endlessly inventive, and USers, apparently, never cease to find ways to be fleeced.

Really, this is dang near Faulknerian...


As you read this, don't feel sorry for me, because it is the destiny of everyman to die someday. I am Sulaiman Balaa a naturalised Briton by birth and a business merchant based in the United Kingdom. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I regret that I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself), but my trade. Though I am very well to do, I was never open handed; I was always hostile to people and regarded them like they never had hopes of becoming as successful as myself. Now I know that there is a lot more to life than just prosperity.

I believe that when I am given a second chance to come to this world, I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that death is eminent, I have willed and given most of my belonging to immediate and extended family members, as well as a few close friends. I want Allah to be merciful to me and accept my soul. Hence I have decided to support charity work; this is what I want to be remembered for. So far, I have been able to reach out to a few charity organizations in the Singapore, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to aid me in giving of alms to those organizations catering for the less privileged in Bulgaria and Pakistan; they refused and kept the resources to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contempt with what I have left for them. The last of my belonging which no one knows of, is the deposit of Four million US dollars that I have in a safe keeping company abroad, which I will want you to secure and bestow to charity organizations. Please endeavour to reply me. For your time and devotion, I have set aside a tenth of this for you.
Allah be with you.

Sulaiman Balaa.
A perfect gem of "eminent" mortality and moral redemption. You could send it in to a short-story contest with some expectation of being seriously regarded, lexical confusions and all.

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