Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Seasonal Amusements of the Adult Variety

(Thanks to my irredoubtable correspondent Mike K.)

T'was the night before Christmas, and God was it neat,
the kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook,
it was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

My wife in her teddy, and I in the nude,
had just hit the bedroom, and reached for the lube.

When out on the lawn, there arose such a cry,
that I lost my boner, and my poor wife went dry.

Up to the window, I sprang like an elf,
tore back the shade, while my wife played with herself.

The moon shown on the crest, of the snowman we'd built,
showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what, to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a nasty old sleigh, and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
a sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as i'm speaking, he was as high as a kite,
and he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

"Whoa Shithead!, whoa Asshole!, whoa Stupid!, whoa Putz!,
either slow down this rig, or i'll cut off your nuts!"

"look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee!"

They cleared the old lamp post, and the tree got a rub,
just then Santa leaned out, and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof, we heard such a clatter,
as each little reindeer, now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket, to cover my ass,
when down the chimney, Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly, with perfume galore,
he looked like a bum, and he smelled like a whore.

"That was some brothel!!!", he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, so i'll just stay here awhile".

He walked to the kitchen, and poured himself a drink,
then whipped out his dick, and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
the old boy was hung, nearly down to his knee!

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
but his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found, was pair of false tits,
the next was a handgun, with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms, was Santa's next find,
and six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, and a penis extension,
and several other things, that I shouldn't even mention.

A fuck ring, a G-string, and all kinds of oil,
and a dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

"This stuff ain't for kids!!! Mrs. Santa will shit!!!
So i'll leave em here, and then i'll just split."

He filled every stocking, and then took his leave,
with one tiny butt plug, tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
thus he fell on his ass, and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, and took the reins of his hitch,
and cried out, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!!!"

The sleigh was near gone, when we heard Santa shout,
"the best thing about sex, is that it never wears out!!!!"

(I am in the dark as to the authorship of this gem, but must give thanks for small favors...)


BlakNo1 said...

I see the rationalizing is already beggining at Eschaton over Reid's comments about sending more troops, absolutely ridiculous.

Who will they blame when, in 2 years or so when Hillary is elected, there are still plenty of troops in the permanent bases?

Anonymous said...

Well it's nice to find a poet that thinks like me to bad I lost my job when I posted it on the company web. And they say the press is liberal!!!!